So it's no secret that I'm not the most dedicated blogger. But when you find yourself sleepless and wandering the internet, strange things, like posting, can happen.
So I was reading one blog that gave an idea from another blog. I didn't really bother reading the latter but it is going to be giving writing prompts and well, being a teacher and therefore familiar with writing prompts, I'll give it a go.
Choice #1 - Why did you start blogging? Well, because Jodi did and it looked fun. Jodi is now private so no linkage. I started in French first. Why? Because it was 2005 and I thought I was French. Or something.
Moving on. Choice #2 - What's the best decision you ever made?
Having unprotected sex.
First time for everything! Writing about sex on my blog! (Is the world spinning wildly out of control?)
If being in a relationship (not the same one) more or less consistently for the last decade and then being married for nearly two years didn't make things obvious, then having a baby surely did. And I'm pretty sure that my baby is the best thing ever in my whole life even though the 34 years before him were sure awesome. He did come to be in the unassisted by science way so there you go. Unprotected sex got him here. It may or may not have been fun. I'm not discussing the particulars on my blog!
Normally my answer to that question would be learning French. My baby beats French, no question.
Three weeks ago, right at this moment, I was in the hospital in a state known as "active labour".
The weekend was a harrowing tale with a happy ending. Our beautiful and healthy baby boy!
He's a good baby. We love him to pieces. His grand parents love him to the moon and back. His aunts and uncles are spoiling him rotten! But he could never be rotten. He's perfect. When he's sleeping, when he's wailing, when he's gazing with his little lips pursed in an "o".
As a decade long reader of mommy blogs, I knew I would be tired. I am. But I don't think I'm incoherrently so. Perphaps I will look back in a few months and realize that I was incoherently tired, but for now, I feel okay. Basically, I go to sleep at my normal time, wake up when he needs to eat and keep doing that until I feel I've had enough sleep. On a good day, that's 10 or 11 in the morning. As a reader of mommy blogs, I've never heard about this sleeping in schedule, but I like it! I'm not delusional, I know this won't last forever. Things change daily.
The mommy blogs also prepared me for lots of laundry.
The mommy blogs have also failed me. I knew nothing about the cord! That little stump of a cord caused me a lot of worry. It fell out this morning so I think things are okay. I didn't know about the milk! I have tons of milk. Better than not having enough, I know, but it has it's challenges all the same.
Despite the small challenges, things are really good. We're pretty happy.
If you want to see photos, you have to know me well enough to be on facebook or on instagram.
Happy 3 weeks in the world little buddy! We love you!
1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Took a pregnancy test. Bought said pregnancy test at the dollar store. It worked!
Professionally, took an intern and it was a fantastic experience. I'm a better teacher for it.
Got two of my Junior Silver Ice Dances.
Learned to Salsa and do it fairly well.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't tend to make New Year's resolutions. Sometimes I follow Lent. Short terms goals are my thing.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I've been pretty self obsessed about MY upcoming birth experience. What?!? Other people had babies before me? My friend Kristina had a baby girl in the summer. My friend Leah had a baby girl last week. I'm sure I'm forgetting some...
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness.
5. What countries did you visit?
It was the year of USA. I think I visited 16 states. I also visited Uruguay and Argentina.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2012?
More time relaxing at home. And I will get it.
7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
You would think that I would remember the day I found out I would be having a baby. Nope. I really don't know. But it was a process. First test - maybe? Second test - probably? Third test - I think so? Doctor's visit - this is it! In the future, I will know that a faint line is still a line. I was really patient.
July 27, my dad turned 60! July 1, Val got married!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I became a better wife. I hope my husband agrees.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I know that I became a lot more self centered. I'm sure people are annoyed. I think it's a pregnancy symptom.
In skating, I failed to consistently help with the juvenile team and I did not learn all of the dances I would have liked. I was so, so nervous when I took my test that I did not even come close to skating my best. But I passed all the same.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Since becoming pregnant, I had but one tiny little cold. That is a miracle. However, I have never vomitted so much as I did in 2012! I suppose I skinned my knee and bruised my leg falling at the Grand Canyon. That was ridiculous and I'm lucky the results were not a lot scarier!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Gosh, I certainly spent a lot of money in 2012. It could be a vacation. Something I did on vacation. It could be a gift. Not maternity cloths, as I really don't like them. But they are so necessary.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband, as he has totally stepped it up and taken care of me for the past 8 months. My class this year, they are little gems.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
It's professionally related so I can't say too much. But it's not kids and it's not colleagues. Fill in the blank.
In the world, the appalling mass murders in Colorado and Conneticut. The politicians who said appalling things about rape and pregnancy. In a word: Syriah.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
There was so much! The trips, the weddings, the announcements, but of course, the foetus wins. I think the foetus will always win.
16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvCBSSwgtg4 "I belong to you, you belong to me..."
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Happier. Not that I recall being unhappy. But I'm pretty happy now!
b) thinner or fatter? I'm the hugest I have ever been in my life! I never would have imagined I would gain this much weight. I plan to breast feed and hear that burns 1000 calories a day. It better. And I better forget my love of chocolate!
c) richer or poorer? Richer. In preparation for soon becoming poorer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Reading. Books.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Vomitting.
20. How did you spend Christmas? Exactly as I had hoped. Christmas Eve - church. Christmas morning, at my parents. Christmas dinner, at my parents, with my inlaws. It was great.
21. Did you fall in love in 2012? No, just remained.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Mad Men
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I'm a lover not a hater.
24. What was the best book you read? Did I even read a book? That's sort of a sad question to ask. But I did! Plenty of pregnancy info related stuff but I gobbled up Brining up Bébé.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? I do not work to develop my musical interests so no discovery.
26. What did you want and get? So many things! Many awesome trips, pregancy, a great class, fun with friends and family, the list goes on.
27. What did you want and not get? Restraint! (re: the large weight I have attained!) A new job, but it all turned out for the best.
28. What was your favorite film of this year? Meh, nothing sticks out. I really didn't see too many movies. Too busy doing other things I enjoy!
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Old! I reached my mid-thirties, no denying it. My life is more than one third over. I had a lovely day. I slept in, had brunch, visited with friends, went out for supper and joined an adult party but shared cake with a 12 year-old who shares my day!
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Less heartburn. Less nausea. Whatever. Not that big a deal.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Belly obsessed. First third - I'm too fat! I look pregnant! (HA HA HA HA!) Second third - Can I still wear this? Third third - Check out my belly! It is so RIGHT THERE! Can't miss it!
32. What kept you sane? Not wine! The balance between rest and fun and work.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Meh. I dunno. I was pretty relieved that Obama won the election.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? Abortion. I am appalled that it's still on the table. I think it's a bit odd that a happily pregnant lady wants to defend abortion rights, but I do! Even if I disagree with it and have heard some appalling stories, I still think it's a right we should have.
35. Who did you miss? My husband, when he went on trips without me. But I didn't miss him on trips I took solo!
36. Who was the best new person you met? My intern!
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. Life is beautiful!
40. Resolution for 2013: Be a good mom.
I share my birthday (with many, and) a 12 year-old. We both got cake at a party.
Me: Don't you think we should wait until everybody else gets their piece of cake?
Him: It's our day, it only comes once a year and it's close to Christmas.
Enough said, I'll happily eat my cake :)
The pseudonym of Jason is getting on my nerves. It seems that since we decided to procreate, I really should use my partner's real name here. But still, he is not a fan of the online life so I think I had best not.
Nevertheless, 'Jason' and I sort of got married again, yesterday. The first time was for love and flowers. This was all about money and assets. Technically, so was the first time. That's all a legal marriage is. So I guess yesterday was admitting it.
Up until now, we have basically lived like college roommates. One of us pays for something, the other one pays back. We have lived this way because it works. Being financially independent is really important for both of us. Perhaps a little more for me and I'm not sure that that says anything good about me.
Neither of us grew up with the college roommate financial model. As well, having a baby throws a wrench into things. There will be a lot more to split up. We have talked for a long, long time about putting some money together. Yesterday was the day to do it.
We chose a financial institution to which neither of us has ties. I'm not even convinced about our logic here; I was so tired of discussing what we should do instead of doing it and it is close to our house, so I dove in. We had the intention of going to get one joint chequing account. We left with a chequing account, a savings account and between the two of us, three credit cards. WHAT?!? They promise you rebates and points and the like and that's what you get.
So now we have joint accounts. Next step, put money in the accounts. Baby steps here.
We also have decided to put both of our names on both of our properties. Why? Um, cause? I don't know that we have a good reason. I suppose it will allow me to act as a landlord. I can also fulfill my dream of being a land baronness! I have been treating our rental property as my investment for a while now, so I think it's good. As for putting Jason's name on the house we live in, there is no real need. It is his because we are married and we live here. But there was a need. When he's ticked with me he refers to it as 'my house' (as in mine, me) and not 'our house' and now he can't do that anymore. Suckah! You own the house you live in! Truly, I want him to feel that this is our house. Now that we have renovated just about every room, with his name on papers, there is no reason not to.
There are so many more steps. We framed the building but now it needs siding and a roof and wiring. But that's life. I used to get stressed out by the to-do lists of life but for the most part, I'm over that. One day there won't be much on the list and life will be slow and what's the fun in that?
So bring it on, all the financial complications of marriage. We can take it!
At seven months of pregnancy, people are starting to ask if I'm excited and ready for the baby to arrive. The truth is, not really.
The assumption is that I'm panicky and anxious. Though I have my moments, that's not it.
Let's start with the physical. As much as gaining a whole pile of weight is not my favourite, my belly is pretty awesome. I know that it's quite inappropriate to be self congratulatory, but I think it's better than feeling poorly and calling myself fat. My belly is smooth and round. It's also pretty big. It looks just like what it is supposed to look like. I have had some back pain here and there but nothing chronic. My downfall is my digestive system. If I'm not nauseous, I have heartburn. Oh well. Amongst all the possible, scary problems, this is minor.
Now, this whole process is going to give us a baby. Yay! So why am I not excited? Because I have my baby. It's on the inside, nice and safe, with me all the time. So, I'm not anxious, I'm just selfish. I get to feel it kick and turn. It reacts to my emotions and is generally quite polite. I can take it just about anywhere and sometimes I get better parking. Of course I share with the baby daddy. He has seen my belly jump and while I'm sleeping, he feels the baby kick and dance. That's another positive point; generally, I have no trouble sleeping.
I will be very happy to see the baby, in January. For now, I will enjoy the last few weeks of work, freedom and somewhat selfish lifestyle that I've been living for quite awhile. The baby can just keep growing and I will prepare.
I am going to Las Vegas for the weekend for my sister's stagette, or bachelorette party, if you are not from my region. In a way, it is my 'stagette', as it will be my last vacation, sans enfant. Not to say I will never have a childless vacation again, but it will be different, as the child will exist and I might miss it or something. All things to come.
Anyway, I was working on 'something' for the stagette at recess. I can't say what it is, because it is a surprise! My students saw it and were impressed and wanted to know what it was all about. So I explained that my sister is getting married so we are going to Vegas to celebrate. Most of the kids walked away. One girl, who is from a different culture than the typical culture of our city, needed to understand just what this was all about. Who was going? What will we do? My husband wasn't going? So, she came up with the definition: A stagette is a secret party, just for girls, no boys allowed". Yep. Pretty much. She totally wants one!
For the past month, I have mostly felt good. Physically, I can still walk, as opposed to waddle, I have lots of energy and I'm no longer sick. Emotionally, I don't feel shaky and fragile. I feel more and more connected to the little (really little) person inside me. I love it so much (the baby). I love my baby just as much as every mother on the internet talks about loving their baby. I should know, I've been reading "mommy blogs" for nearly a decade! I also have a new confidence that I'm doing what I need to do, my body knows what it's doing and one day at a time, things will be fine.
Normally, zen is a not a part of my vocabulary. I generally run on frenetic energy, bordering on anxiety. I thought I better document this time of zen, while it is still here!
I attribute the good feelings, in my body and my head, to the routine of being back at work. I'm too busy to worry! As well, being around kids all day is fun. The school as a whole is super friendly to me, more than ever. It's really interesting to see how the kids, parents and my colleagues react. I'm literally surrounded by dozens of people that smile with excitement everyday. Am I ever lucky!
As well, I have been more active. After a few weeks (months) hiatus, I have returned to the gym. I also started taking pre-natal yoga, which is nice. I will start helping out at skating this week as well. Just to prove I can balance on blades with a belly.
There are about 4 months remaining of this pregnancy. Considering that I have really only known that I'm pregnant for 4.5 months, that seems like a while. But, it is 16 weeks. 16 weeks! That's not very much!
In so many ways, it was a great summer. Beautiful weather, amazing adventure and fantastic friends made for a lot of fun.
But when I look back at Summer 2012, I will not likely remember the sunshine. I might remember the road trip - hard to forget 12 000 km. I already forget bits and pieces. Last night I saw a photo and thought "oh ya! we went to Niagara Falls!" Who forgets Niagara Falls?
Somethings are bigger. And for me, the biggest part of Summer 2012 has been pregnancy.
That's right internet, we're having a baby!
It's what we wanted and we are very happy about the next step in our lives. Getting pregnant was easy, thank goodness. I can't explain why we are so lucky, except to say, we're lucky. That's it, there is not magic beyond the luck.
At the same time, pregnancy is not easy for me. I did not expect that. Physically, it's not so bad. I have heard about really, really bad symptoms that can be debilitating. I was nauseous and sick for a long time, as well as being tired, but it was not nearly as bad as some of the scary things I hear about. When I day it's not easy, I mean that it's not easy in my head. I want to do everything right. (surprise!) For the first 14 weeks I always had the idea in the back of my head that the foetus had stopped developping. Every single day I was worried that our doctor's appointment would result in heartbreak. It didn't. It hasn't. Every appointment has shown that things are going well.
I try so hard to be informed about what I should do, what I am allowed to do, what the real information is and what is misinformation that is better ignored. Sometimes, certainly in more recent weeks, I felt fairly confident in my decisions. On the other hand, there have been plenty of moments of self-doubt and tears. Sometimes the hormones win.
It has also been an experience in becoming someone else. What? Wait! I'm still ME! I'm now a lady with a belly. At times, it is disconcerting that people comment on my size and shape. Other times, the conversations that are started with people that would otherwise be strangers are wonderful. With each passing day, I am still myself, while becoming someone else. Becoming a mother. I can only whisper that. Like every stage in life - I'm not ready! This baby will come and I will still not be ready because I'm never, ever ready for the next stage. It will take me a while to adapt. And that's okay.
For now, I have a little 1lb foetus that gently kicks every now and again. I love the foetus. For the next little while, I'm happy to keep him* just for myself. Just the two of us. I can still do everything and he just hangs out, peaceful and content. I like it. Today, I like it.
*We don't know the gender, we can confirm that it is a baby!