In so many ways, it was a great summer. Beautiful weather, amazing adventure and fantastic friends made for a lot of fun.
But when I look back at Summer 2012, I will not likely remember the sunshine. I might remember the road trip - hard to forget 12 000 km. I already forget bits and pieces. Last night I saw a photo and thought "oh ya! we went to Niagara Falls!" Who forgets Niagara Falls?
Somethings are bigger. And for me, the biggest part of Summer 2012 has been pregnancy.
That's right internet, we're having a baby!
It's what we wanted and we are very happy about the next step in our lives. Getting pregnant was easy, thank goodness. I can't explain why we are so lucky, except to say, we're lucky. That's it, there is not magic beyond the luck.
At the same time, pregnancy is not easy for me. I did not expect that. Physically, it's not so bad. I have heard about really, really bad symptoms that can be debilitating. I was nauseous and sick for a long time, as well as being tired, but it was not nearly as bad as some of the scary things I hear about. When I day it's not easy, I mean that it's not easy in my head. I want to do everything right. (surprise!) For the first 14 weeks I always had the idea in the back of my head that the foetus had stopped developping. Every single day I was worried that our doctor's appointment would result in heartbreak. It didn't. It hasn't. Every appointment has shown that things are going well.
I try so hard to be informed about what I should do, what I am allowed to do, what the real information is and what is misinformation that is better ignored. Sometimes, certainly in more recent weeks, I felt fairly confident in my decisions. On the other hand, there have been plenty of moments of self-doubt and tears. Sometimes the hormones win.
It has also been an experience in becoming someone else. What? Wait! I'm still ME! I'm now a lady with a belly. At times, it is disconcerting that people comment on my size and shape. Other times, the conversations that are started with people that would otherwise be strangers are wonderful. With each passing day, I am still myself, while becoming someone else. Becoming a mother. I can only whisper that. Like every stage in life - I'm not ready! This baby will come and I will still not be ready because I'm never, ever ready for the next stage. It will take me a while to adapt. And that's okay.
For now, I have a little 1lb foetus that gently kicks every now and again. I love the foetus. For the next little while, I'm happy to keep him* just for myself. Just the two of us. I can still do everything and he just hangs out, peaceful and content. I like it. Today, I like it.
*We don't know the gender, we can confirm that it is a baby!