Happy Hour's blog

Stagette - the post I never wrote

At the end of June, my awesome bridesmaids came to town and threw parties!  One big day of love, all for me! 

My shower was lovely - the theme was French!  French games, French music, French food.  Obviously, I thought it was fabulous.  There is not much to say about the shower because it was typical - I got great gifts, people were very generous, my friends and family are super thoughtful.  It was not awkward or embarrassing in any way.

The bachelorette party started at my house.  I put on the shortest dress I will ever wear, a pink wig, a boa, some awesome looking tights and some less than awesome shoes.  I really need to work on my "awesome shoes" collection.  All of this was followed by a blind-fold.  Destination #1 was not for me to know!

I drove with a friend from, who is from out of town.  I was wearing a blind-fold and pink hair, she was wearing hot rollers.  We had left the house in haste, as to not be late for the secret activity.  So, she kept the hot rollers in for a few minutes longer.  We must have been a sight, driving threw town in this way.  

We arrived at the destination and I tried not to step in puddles (it had just rained).  I had to climb stairs in a mysterious building, while wearing a blind-fold.  Arriving at the top, some people said hello to me.  With trepidation, I responded meekly.  It took me a while to figure out who the voices were.  Finally, I was allowed to remove my blind-fold.  Salsa dancing!!!

I was excited about salsa dancing lessons, but a little dispointed that only a few people were there.  Oh well, not a night to feel down.  We started the class and after a few minutes heard banging.  Someone went to open the door and a whole pile of my friends arrived!  I love dancing, I can count so it was all very fun.

Next stop, a friend's house.  I was so lucky, it's actually a friend of Jason's who offered that the stagette could be held at her house.  More people joined!  I couldn't believe it.  A full house, all for me!  It was a dream.  My friends gave me a quiz on Jason that I passed.  I knew there was a good chance of this and I was glad that I knew a lot of answers, if not all of them.  I'm so competitive, it's ridiculous.  We had delicious shots - my friends definitely have a fall-back career!  I got enough underwear to stuff my drawers full - I will not need to go shopping for a long time.  Also, I think pink was the colour of Spring, 2011.

 The pink wig had given me a whole new perspective of myself.  Generally, I'm reserved, to say the least.  I walked into the bar with the swagger of a rock star (or my more confident friends,) ready to party!  I went directly to the dance floor, surrounded by my awesome friends.  There we danced, oblivious to the crazy things going on around us.  I danced on the speaker, beside the 22 year-olds, making out with anyone and everyone.  

Many of my awesome friends are also moms.  I hear moms need to get up EARLY!  The fact that they came to the bar at all was great.  All of a sudden, many of them realized they needed to get up and play with their kids in a few short hours.  So they left.  I kept dancing.  The rest of my friends kept dancing.  A girl fell off the speakers and the ambulance and police came.  We stopped dancing.  And then we kept dancing!

Finally I said, "Okay, that's enough, let's go home".  One of my friends had her husband come in a van and drive us all home.  Awesome friends have awesome husbands that get up very early or very late and then drive all over the city.  

The last night out as a single girl was the best night out as a single girl! 

 

No Longer in the Closet

I grew up in a politically secret household.  We discussed political issues and views on issues, but my parents never told us who they voted for.  I grew following their lead.  My vote is a secret and I don't tell anyone.  If you know me or talk to me, it's really not hard to guess, if you know a little bit about politics.  I have a soft heart, I love everyone and the environment and you know I love me some French.  Still, my parents explained why they kept their vote secret:  It will change the way people think about you and perhaps, impact employment opportunities.  It's our right to keep our vote to ourselves.  

A few years ago, shortly after Jason and I had started dating, we went to a party at one of my friend's houses.  There were many lovely and interesting people.  It was shortly after (another) federal election.  One not-so-nice man was sitting beside me and asked me who I had voted for.  I told him that I don't discuss who I vote for.  He stood up and and asked again.  I repeated myself.  He asked me what I had to hide, what I was scared of.  I was a little taken aback, so I stood up and left the room.  He called me a f*#% N c#@&.  Whoa!  Now Jason didn't really know what to do - punch him?  He didn't punch him, thank goodness.  The guy was definitely a jerk, but I really didn't want the guy I was dating to be a fighter.  So he left the room as well.  Alls well that ends well.

Fast forward a few years to our contract negotiations.  Where the current government berated us (teachers)  and tarnished our public reputation using negative publicity, speficically television ads.  After we went on strike, an outside party was hired to negotiate our contract, which in my opinion, was crap.  Thank you, 66%.

There is no way I am voting for the government.  For me, it's not enough to quietly make a little x on November 7.  My husband and I discussed it and when our candidate (who I incidentally used to sit behind in English class) stopped by last weekend, I agreed to a lawn sign indicating our political support.

I was a little nervous - what will my friends think?  What will my neighbours think?  I needed worry about the neighbours, more than half of them have the same sign!  

Name Game

My post wedding life has not been filled with running here and there changing my name at the bank and at work and with all the bill collectors and the library... simply because I didn't change my name.  Same as always, I'm the same person. I like my name.  I don't need a new name. 

Of course when I was a little girl, I thought I would change my name.  I also thought I would get married when I was 20.  Why?  Because that's what everybody's mom did.  I started to change my mind when I was in university and the decision was solidified long before I met my husband.  I'm not changing my name.  If we have kids, I will (very begrudgingly) concede that they will have his name. 

The thing is, I almost don't feel married.  I feel like nothing changed, so what's the difference?  I suppose that being married isn't just about July 23, it's an everyday state that will grow and change with us.  Though I wonder, if I had changed my name and smiled as everybody asked me what my new name is, instead of grinding my teeth and repeating my always and forever surname, would I feel differently?

I'm sure in my decision, but that doesn't mean I don't wonder. 

Wedding Love

The wedding.  It was only 2 months ago, but it is a blur.  This will be my final post, hopefully I can clarify what it was all about.

It was all about friends, it was all about family, it was all about us.  At one point during the dinner I looked out upon all of our guests, all together.  So many!  So many people that care about us.  In most cases, they drove hundreds of kilometers or got on a plane to be there, for us.  I noted that these people would never be together again.  Until one of us passes.  And even then, as our bestman said, most of them will not be there.  A magical moment in time. 

There was confusion, there was panic.  It was time for me to put my dress on, so I went into the room and crawled under the skirt, as this is how you put on such a dress.  I reached my arms above my head and stood up.  The dress got stuck on my veil.  I called for my mom.  She didn't hear me.  I screamed "MOM!", she didn't hear me.  I screamed more "HELP!!  HELLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!!"  Everyone heard.  Everyone came running.  I screamed "I'm stuck!  Get it off!"  They sort of laughed and in a few seconds I was wearing my dress, very scared that I would be late.  For the show that wouldn't start without me!

The dinner was roast beef.  I wanted fish.  So I had fish.  Because I. was. the. bride.  I heard the roast beef was fabulous.  I also really wanted to eat my appetizers.  We both chose appetizers we love, so of course I wanted to taste!  I didn't touch dessert.  No homemade pie for me!  I just couldn't.  I hope the head table got some, though I'm not sure.  I think that was at the same time that they were passing out favours.  I highly doubt that any of them regret not eating (everything) like I do. 

Before I knew it, it was our first dance.  We chose Shine, by Hannah Georgas.  We did the typical slow dance punctuated with a littls waltz when the music allowed.  We spent hours arguing over the songs that we be used for the parent dance and the bridal party dance and the opening the dance song.  I have no idea what we chose!  How silly. 

Anybody who knows me, knows I'm far more flexible than a planner.  Our wedding was the most planned day of my life.  From getting to the salon, to eating, to getting my dress on to getting into the limo, getting to the church, leaving the room I was hiding in, in the church, etc. etc.  It was so scheduled.  It was very well organized and I think, well executed.  We had a lot of detail.  That's what we did for 3 weeks prior to the wedding.  We weren't working so we planned and planned and planned.  170 candy apples.  Baby-sitters.  Accomadations.  Music.  Vendors.  For all of my daily disorganization, I'm really happy that this was one day in my life that was well put together. 

The clock?  We can't explain it either.

It was amazing to sit in the room and look out at all of our friends and relatives who made arrangements and traveled for many, many miles to be there.  It was wonderful that so many people participated in the day.  The memories, they are sweet. 

 

 

Don't Tell the Children

10 years.

I was just waking up to my radio alarm.  I was living in my parents house and for some reason I was sleeping in my sister's room - she was away at university.  The radio announcers were saying that a plane had crashed into the twin towers, stating that it was a terrible accident.  Shortly thereafter, the second tower was hit.  Shock and confusion.

New York is a far away place.  For many, it only exists in the movies.  At that time I had never been to New York and didn't think I would ever go.

I was just at the beginning of my final internship in a Grade 1 classroom.  I went to school and it was a normal day in the classroom.  At recess, teachers watched everything on tv, in shock.  We did not discuss anything with the children.  My cooperating teacher did not want to explain anything or answer any questions.  That is not how I would handle it now.  I think I would let them experience it.  Sure they would be scared, but I think it is part of life.  Now, I teach children that are a little older. 

When I went home I spent the evening watching tv, in horror, with my family.  Obviously, it was scary and unbelievable.

Since then...

I visited New York and Ground Zero in 2006.  I read the signs and learned about the devestation.  I had tears in my eyes.

I met Muslims.  I really don't know if I had before then, if I even knew anything about Islam.  People started talking about Islam.  I closed my ears (and still do) to negative talk.  I understand a little bit about Islamic beliefs and celebrations.  I have friends who are Muslim.  I've read some books. 

War.  In Iraq.  In Afganistan.  I'm not even sure I had heard of Afganistan before then.  Maybe I had.  I've certainly learned a lot more about Afganistan since then.  Thanks, Kite Runner and Three Cups of Tea and CNN (ha).  I'm still unsure of why my country is at war.  I seriously doubt the motives and think it is a waste of far too many lives on all sides.  I'm not an expert by any means and I am sure that I don't know enough to have a serious opinion.

There are annoyances on airplanes and at borders.  I am aware that my name and skin colour make these annoyances very minor.  That aggravates me to no end.  So unfair.

 There have always been changes in the world and there always will be.  To be sure, the events of 911 changed the world, but the world would change anyway.  I suppose the changes in the world changed me, I'm surely more enlightened than I was 10 years ago, just as I hope to be more aware, 10 years from now.

The Cake

Dessert for our wedding was pie, made by my mom, my mother-in-law and my uncle.  It is not traditional for us to have pie, but in Saskatchewan, pie is a very traditional dessert at family gatherings.  Also, pie is delicious and most people love it.  As well, we served the pie so it allowed us to say hello to all of our guests.  

 Me, serving pie, wearing the apron that my mother painstakingly made to protect my dress!

 

We didn't think we would have a cake.  We had heard that they are very expensive and were set on the idea of wedding pie.  However, Alissa generously offered to make us a cake.  Alissa has been a friend for years - she would have been 1 or 2 when her sister and I became friends.  She is a massage therapist and also works at her family business, supplying me with everything I need to keep my house clean.  (It is up to me to use it!) 

I had absolutely no idea what I wanted for a cake.  This is often the best, because what Alissa created was beautiful, beyond what I could have ever hoped for.  We are so lucky, thank you Alissa!

 Cutting the cake

 

I take over (typical?)

Smiling while J is threatening to smash the cake all over my face and me saying "Don't you dare!"

OUCH!! 

Thinking it was a piece of fondant (icing) he bit my finger REALLY HARD!  Related: I have no pain tolerance whatsoever and am a big baby.

There were a few moments that followed:

57: I can't believe you bit my finger!!

J:  Sorry baby (laughing)

57: (looking indignant, mad, ready to fight, there are cameras flashing everywhere)

It's okay, it was an accident, we're still in love.

And that's the story of our cake.

Year 10

Tomorrow I will go back to work after a long and wonderful summer.  It will be the tenth time that I start school as a paid employee.  My tenth year of teaching!

It has been quite a career, thus far.  I have encountered so many challenges that I just did not imagine as an 18-year old applying to study in Education.  I have gone from being taken aback by lippy kids to prefecting my  "teacher look".  I survived some tough situations - the class who threw around their lunch bags and played tag, the child who threw sissors at me, many, many angry parents.  These are all things that happened a long time ago.  Well, parents get angry every year.

I remember in my first year, I was scared!  I was so nervous!  However, I had boundless energy and enthusiasm.  This year, I am confident, perhaps overly so, that things will be just fine.  I'm a competent teacher, I have the children's best interests at heart and a good idea of how to help them learn.  I am a little more adventurous in the things I will try - smashing ice, big bike trips, performances.  I pay a little less attention to bulletin boards. 

I have considered leaving the profession many times over the last 10 years.  The answer has always been that I would miss it.  I love teaching.  Sometimes the stress is too much.  Sometimes the demands overwhelm me.  Sometimes I hear about the benefits of other professions and think "I could do that."  I've never really tried too hard to leave because when things are good, it just can't get any better.

Wedding Ceremony

I have never experienced anything like it.  It is really hard to write about, though I want to try before the fuzzy memories become any fuzzier.  It was almost exactly as we planned, so all of our work was worth it.

I would love to write about how I felt, but I just don't remember.  I'm really disapointed that I don't remember and I really hope that as I see photos, feelings come back to me.

We had choosen solemn music music to walk down the aisle.  One song for 10 people meant that it had to be well timed.  We added drama by closing and then re-opening the church doors when I came in with my dad.  Of course, as I was trying to conrol everything, I urged the ushers to open the doors before the cue in the music, because I was sure it was time.  They didn't listen to me and opened the doors right when they should. 

Walking into the church filled with smiling friends and relatives was exactly as I imagined.  I saw my friends parents who have known me nearly my whole life, smiling through tears, a colleague whose smile nearly broke her face it was so huge and of course, my groom.  Tallest in the room, because he is tall and because he was on steps.  He looked exactly as I knew he would.  Exactly.  It was as though I had seen the moment happen because I absolutely knew what he would look like - he has a small smile, his hands were clasped, he looked amazing in his black tuxedo, ivory shirt, vest and tie.  He had visions of wearing a crip white shirt but my ivory dress dictated that he too must wear ivory.  It didn't matter, he looked great.  My dad and I walked slowly down the short aisle.  We passed my grandma who also had tears of joy in her eyes.  At 95, I was so happy that she was there.  She had been as excited as anyone about our wedding.

At the end of the aisle we stopped, Jason stepped down to join us and our mothers stepped forward.  The Pastor asked a question that I had previously approved  (who gives this woman was not going to be said as I am not a cow!)  We hugged our parents and Jason continued up the steps without me.  Usually I like to be independant and walk up steps myself, but usually I am not wearing a dress with a train.  I quietly called to him to come back and get me.  I'm not sure that anyone in attendance would have realized this was happening; it was very quick and quiet, he had not gotten far.

I saw my bridesmaids wearing the coloured dresses that I had chosen, looking lovely, holding the bouquets we had made together.  I looked over at the groomsmen and ring bearer who had matching ties!  Thanks to the magic of cell phones and texting, I had been aware that the best man's tie had been lost that morning.  My father ran to Moore's to get a new one, but got the wrong one.  His wife ran to Moore's and got one that was close.  I couldn't tell that it didn't match and if the bride can't tell, it probably doesn't matter.  In any case, they looked at us earnestly, their eyes wide.

The Pastor is Jason's cousin and he was great.  If I remembered everything he said, that would be even better.  He was very efficient, the ceremony most certainly did not drag on. 

My good friend read Romans 12, 1-2 and 9-18.  A fan of the Royal wedding may have noted that these were the passages read by Kate's brother.  Was this a factor in my choosing of the reading?  Maybe.... just a little.  I had read a portion in another friends wedding and 12, 1-2 is special to me.  Of course, when I heard them in the Royal Wedding, I recognized them.  So yes, I did steal from the Royal Wedding but it was not without signigicance to me.  Besides, it's the only free part.

Jason's sister read a lovely poem, I love you by Mario Benedetti.  It was a poem he learned of while travelling.  I liked the socialist, revolutionary twist.  While we are not revolutionaries, we are left leaning.

I know we said our vows in our best teacher voices.  I had always wondered why pastors or priests or justices of the peace spoon feed the vows.  I get it!  Because I was a jittery ball of emotion and had I needed to repeat my full name and birthday unassisted, I'm not sure how that would have gone.  If I had to repeat my vows right now, I'm not sure I could.  Maybe someday I will have them made into something to go on the wall so that I remember them.  They were typical, ending with as long "as we both shall live."  I didn't ask for that, but for many years I had hoped for that.  I find it less morbid than "'till death do us part". 

We slid our rings on each others fingers, slowly, without problems, as we said something important.  So important, I really don't know what it was.  I should ask the Pastor to send me what it was I said.  He's family, I'm pretty sure I can do that.

I have been told that I signed the Register and the Marriage Liscense.  I know that I sat down, I'm pretty sure there was a pen in my hand.  I don't remember signing.  I do remember looking at the unity candle and realizing there was not a match in sight.  Jason and the Pastor scrambled a bit, looking here and there for a match.  Not a one.  So, we transeferred the flame from our family candles to our unity candle with barbecue lighters.  I'm not very good with barbecue lighters so I wasn't too thrilled.  I picked up the lighter the closest to me and made Jason trade with me, as I thought maybe I would know how to start the other.  I guess maybe it was like Olympic torches?  Maybe?  Or just redneck?  Maybe?

While all of this was going on, Jason's cousins (other cousins) were playing the saxaphone and piano.  It was beautiful!  We had no idea what they were going to play, we just asked for something "wedding".  They played "When you say nothing at all", that I know as sung by Alison Krauss.  It is a song that was overplayed quite a few years ago, but it was really nice to hear his rendition and also recognize it as a song we all know. 

I don't remember how I felt.  I'm sure glad that Kristamas sent us this photo because obviously we were elated.  That is not a fake smile, that is for sure.

I had invited students who were seated in the balcony.  I remember glancing at them but not much else.  My parents say they were very excited, all pressed up against the rail waving and nearly cheering.  I really hope my photographer got some good shots! 

We left the church to the music we had selected.  My brother gave me a high five as he opened the church doors.  We gathered for a photo with my students and then greeted the guests who chose to be greeted. 

That was it, we were married!

 

 

3 Days

Wow.  To look at the wedding website and read "3 days until our wedding!".  Wow.  7 months really flew by.  The last 3 weeks really flew by.  I think we are ready for the wedding.  I think things will be okay.

 

Wedding Paranoia

Chez nous, it's all wedding, all the time.  We are getting stuff done, adding more stuff to the list and it may or may not be driving me crazy.

I have the feeling some people may just be ticked off with me.  Just a little, nothing that will ruin anything for the short term or the long term, but I should be careful.  On the other hand, I could be completely off my rocker.  Apart from being a little wedding obsessed, I do not believe that I have made any large faux pas, meriting more than mild irritation from anyone.  Anyone but my fiancé, but guess what, he's pretty much committed at this point and wants things done just as badly, or more, than I do. 

Side bar:  It's pretty awesome that we can argue multiple times a day and things are still awesome.  Reaffirmation that we're doing the right thing.

I'm also wondering if people are sick of me talking about the wedding.  Though I have tried only to say our wedding, because it is not the only wedding, nor is it only my wedding, I fail regularly.  As well, I talk about it all the time.  I seem to have given up all other interests.  Except for reading, I'm back into that, thanks to The Girl with a Dragon Tatoo.  I'm reading it because it was the only book that interested me in the Prince Albert grocery store I was in and I was headed to the lake without a book.  I'm reading it for two reasons: huge popularity and the one review I read said it wasn't good.  So if it's hugely popular and someone didn't like it, there must be something.  It means that I have low expectations and I like it.  Anyway, I'm a little worried that people are annoyed that I (mostly) only talk about our wedding.  You don't count, you are choosing to read this so you get what you get.

It is 5am and I should really stop fretting and go back to bed.  At this point, it is just details. 

 

*****

Going back to bed was the right decision.  I felt much better when I got up at a normal hour. 

I think that I really need to focus on making sure that everyone feels appreciated.  So many people are doing so much to help me and to make sure I feel special.  It's very important that I make sure they feel it's worth it.